I remember the time when I decided to properly, properly hijrah. To completely leave all my dirty and wicked ways, and come back to Allah. Completely and full heartedly.

I had just finished salat, and was still sat on the sajadah. A salat mat which had long been abandoned, or only laid out at times of trouble but left to accumulate dust at times of joy. Having just completed my long doa to Allah (which was mostly in malay, with only the bismillah and the selawat being in arabic); my mind was empty and my heart was at peace. It was at that instant I witnessed Allah’s Greatness. His Power. All the thoughts and questions that I had in my mind that entire time, were answered. My confusions sorted. My worries vanished. Masya Allah. Masya Allah. The feeling of calmness and amazement was like none I have had experienced before. I kid you not!

Just because my hijrah took overnight, doesn’t mean that it was the same with the transformation. My tops were still short. I still didn’t wear a hijab inside the house at the presence of non mahram. I still hadn’t memorised the top 10 most frequently recited surah from the Quran. Externally I might have still appeared as if I wasn’t just ‘there’ yet, but internally I felt different (read: only observed the 5 times a day salat, a bit of Quranic recitation now and again, and lots of reading) . I was in so much awe with the beauty of Islam. With each information I find about the Deen, I would burst into excitement! I felt enlightened! Things were beginning to make a lot of sense. With the newfound (proper) understanding of the little ins and outs of Islam, it became easier to do things that were pleasing to Allah.

So yes, I am a strong believer of how an inward change would eventually lead to an outward change. Just look at all the sahabah and believers during the Prophet Muhammad’s SAW time. Why were they so ready to accept all hukum Allah each time it came down;  no questions asked? Was it really blind faith? If we examined the Quran and the seerah, all the first surahs (Makkiyah) all touched upon tauhid, sins, rewards, jannah and jahaman. Only then were the surah on hukum were sent down (Madaniyyah). So everybody had their beliefs rectified and perfected, before Allah gave them the Sacred Law. Makes you wonder why it’s hard for us who are born Muslim to committ/understand the deen, aye?

Right ok. What was the point of my story, again?

…ah…yes.

Committing completely to Islam is not easy and isn’t like some 3-in-1 milo mix. It takes time, patience, and tons of effort. At times you’d become worried, “Oh dear~ I hope this isn’t a phase!” And boy I had my fair share of worry on that! But once u start ploughing through the jahiliyah mess, you’ll reach a point where you become firm and absolutely sure that you’ll stick to the Right Path. No bargaining. But even if we haven’t reached ‘that’ point yet, do not use the ‘I’m not there yet’ excuse to slack on the core duties, e.g. as simple as establishing salat 5 times a day. I mean, come on. Is it really hard to find that time to just spend 20 mins a day with Allah? Why it so hard to wake up in the morning to solat Fajar, but easier to stay up til lthe wee hours to hang out with friends or watch TV? Are we too busy, and too attached with this temporary, worldly nikmat that Allah has given us to even come back to Him? Every single thing that we have, we own, are all from Allah. We are on borrowed time, borrowed wealth, borrowed intelligence. None of the things that we have are truly ours. This plain and simple realisation should instead compel us to draw ourselves closer to Allah. To do show our gratitude to Allah? Or are we just too proud?

As a reminder to us all:

Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman lalu kafir, kemudian beriman (lagi), kemudian kafir lagi, lalu bertambah kekafirannya, maka Allah tidak akan mengampuni mereka, dan tidak (pula) menunjukkan kepada mereka jalan (yang lurus).

Those who believe then reject Faith, then believe (again) and (again) reject Faith and go on an increasing in unbelief – Allah will not forgive them, nor guide them on the way.  (Surah An Nisa 4:137)

Mereka dalam keadaan ragu antara yang demikian (iman atau kafir) tidak termasuk kepada golongan ini (orang beriman) dan tidak (pula) kepada golongan itu (orang kafir). Barangsiapa dibiarkan sesat oleh Allah, maka kamu tidak akan mendapatkan jalan (untuk memberi petunjuk) baginya.

(They are) distracted in mind even in the midst of it – being (sincerely) for neither one group or another. Whom Allah leaves straying, – never will thou find for him the Way. (Surah An Nisa 4:143)

Allah has warned us against going on a constant hot-cold, hot-cold cycle. We can’t be establishing prayer, taking care of our aurat, avoiding free mingling with the opposite sex in one minute…and then missing solat, back with the short skirts and hugging and kissing the male/female species the next minute…then switching back and forth. What if Allah doesn’t forgive us the next time we decided to come back to Him (for the umpteenth time!)? What if Allah decides to stop giving  signposts to ensure us a good life – dunia and akhirat? What then?

May we all be firm, steadfast and patient in attaining Allah’s rahmat, hidayah, love and jannah. Amiin…Amiin…Yaa Rabbalalamin…