Pixelated Scribbles

One of the Articles of Islam (Rukun Islam) is the belief in predestination (qada and qadar). This has always been an area that was of great interest to me. Even after reading a few verses of the Quran and hadiths together with their commentaries, I was still unable to understand the full concept of qadar. I even managed to get my hands on a book from Brunei that solely focused on this Article of Islam - “Manhaj ‘Aqidah Ahli Al-Sunnah Wa Al-Jama’ah Dalam Memahami Qada’ & Qadar” by Dr. Basri Bin Ibrahim Al Hassani Al Azhari. I’ve read some of the pages, but the malay..wow..the malay got a bit too complicated for me to read it leisurely. Book has accumulated dust, but I shall take it out from the shelves to look for that one hadith thatis  going to be relevant to what shall follow.

Abu Abd al-Rahman Abdullah bin Mas’ud r.a., reported: Rasulullah S.A.W., the most truthful, the most trusted, told us:

“Verily the creation of any one of you takes place when he is assembled in his mother’s womb; for forty days he is as a drop of fluid, then it becomes a clot for a similar period. Thereafter, it is a lump looking like it has been chewed for a similar period. Then an angel is sent to him, who breathes the ruh (spirit) into him. This Angel is commanded to write Four decrees: that he writes down his provision (rizq), his life span, his deeds, and whether he will be among the wretched or the blessed.

I swear by Allah – there is no God but He – one of you may perform the deeds of the people of Paradise till there is naught but an arm’s length between him and it, when that which has been written will outstrip him so that he performs the deeds of the people of the Hell Fire; one of you may perform the deeds of the people of the Hell Fire, till there is naught but an arm’s length between him and it, when that which has been written will overtake him so that he performs the deeds of the people of Paradise and enters therein.”

[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

So there’s all this hadith, but I still had a question – if it’s already written whether we would end up in hell or paradise, is there any possibilty of changing it? I’ve been sitting on this question for almost a year, and you know what, I finally got my answers ! Masya Allah. You have no idea the degree of excitement and euphoria I am feeling right now. I think I could BURST!

Lemme start from the beginning…

Today marked the first day of our Islamic Awareness Week. The only thing that I look foward to are, of course, the lectures. I can never get tired of attending Islamic lectures. For those who may know me, they’d know that I’d even be willing to go to ‘alien territory’ alone just to attend a lecture. Anyway, today’s lecture was on ‘Who Is Allah?’ by Jalal Ibn Sa’eed (if you google him, you’ll find stuff on him and his vids). When I saw the lecture topic,  I though, “Ouh! Ouh! This should be good! Getting back to the basics by getting to know God”.  As much as I would like to talk about the cool things he mentioned throughout the lecture, I’m going to try to keep to the topic, i.e. on Qadar.

Somewhere between his humorous analogies and thought provoking questions, he mentioned briefly on predestination. He said that it is actually a simple concept that isn’t that difficult to comprehend. In a nutshell, every single thing has been written in the Lauhul Mahfuz 50,000 years ago. And 50,000 years ago, the concept of free will was also mentioned. So all actions may have already been written, yet we were given free will to choose which actions to do. For instance, if there was a pen on the table, we could either choose to take the pen or just leave it on the table.  Allah knows what we’re about to do in every situation, but this knowledge is not the cause as to why we behave in specific ways. So predestination doesn not mean that we are compelled or forced to behave in particular ways. It merely means that Allah KNOWS what we do every single time. If it still isn’t clear why this is so, I’ll get back to this point later on.

Ok, I understood what he said, but that one year old question suddenly popped back into my head and still remained unanswered. At the end of the lecture, I had the opportunity to personally ask him this question I had concerning qada and qadar. I asked him, “There’s a hadith saying that it has also been written as to whether we will end up in hell or paradise. So is there some degree of possibility of changing this fate? Maybe by the use of free will?”. Guess what he said? There is 100% possibility of changing this.  100%!! Through doa and good deeds and all the things that have been mentioned in the Quran and sunnah, we CAN change the fate that was blown into us when were 40 days old in our mommy’s womb.  ALL of us can be the people of Jannah! I think I was confused with the fact that EVERYTHING was already written might actually influence us in what we do, and where we will end up in the dunia and in the akhirah. But no. This isn’t the way we’re suppose to interpret this concept. No God is worth worshipping if his knowledge is limited. But Allah… Allah is al A’lim. The All Knowing. So it is only natural and expected for Allah to know about every single thing that He has created. Allahu Akhbar. Look at the beauty, perfection, and  exaltedness of our Lord. So Who is more worthy of our love, worship, and devotion other than Allah?

I managed to get my hands on the latest issue of Noon sometime last week. It’s a little Islamic newsletter that is prepared and disributed amongst the Muslim community here at the Bay.  This issue focused mainly on that thing you call L.O.V.E. Here’s a little something that I think is worth sharing. What I am about to share with you all made me go “Awwwwwwww~“.

Drinking and eating from one place

Aisah r.a. reported: ” I would drink then I would hand it [the vessel] to the Prophet SAW and he would put his mouth where mine had been and drink, and I would eat the meant from a bone and he would put his mouth where mine had been.

Laying in the wife’s lap

Aisha r.a. reported: “The Messenger of Allah SAW would recline in my lap when I was mensturating.”

Outings with his wife at night

The Prophet SAW used to go walking at night with Aisyah r.a. and they would spend the time talking with each other.

Assisting her in the housework

Aisah r.a. was asked: “What did the Prophet used to do in his house?” She replied, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family.”

Knowing her feelings

The Prophet SAW said to Aisha ra: “I know when you are angry with me or not..when you are content with me you say “no and by the God of Muhammad”. And if you are angry with me you say: “no and by the God of Ibrahim”.

Consulting them

In the treaty of Hudaybiayh the Muslims felt that they had no power left, they wanted to reject the treaty and go on to Makkah. The Messenger ordered those with him to slaughter their sacrificial animals and leave their pilgrim attire. Some of the comapanions were hesitant. Prophet Muhammad SAW, repeated his order but it did not change their reluctance. He felt bad about his companions’ reluctance, that he went to his tent and asked Umm Salama her opinion and did it so that the companions understood that he had consulted his wife, and that his decision was final. 

These are just SOME of the things that our noble Prophet SAW used to do with his spouses. Imagine all the other admirable and praisworthy things he used to do! And imagine what sort of husbands and future husbands our muslim brothers would become if they knew about all this! But of course, we woman would need to strive to be as good as the wives of the Prophet SAW before we can even wish for a man like the Prophet.

I thought I’d post the little speech I gave during the recent kem ibadah. It was a 10-15min talk on Qiamulail with the intention of motivating everybody to wake up the next morning. It’s in malay brunei and english, so I’m so so sorry for those who are not able to understand the whole thing.

So, Tomorrow, we’ll begin with solat sunnat Taubah bersendirian and then solat sunnat Tahajjud and Witir secara berjemaah.  Solat sunnat Taubah 2 rakaat; Solat sunnat tahajjud 2 rakaat; and solat witir 3 rakaat.

 

So, why should we payah payah untuk bangun tengah malam to perform all these solat sunnat, when we could just tidur and stay warm and cozy underneat that selimut. Di UK ani tah lagi sajuk. Mikin enak lah tidurnya.

 

Esok we are expected to be up and ready by 4.30am, insya Allah. And looking at the limited number of bathrooms available for us, and berapa ramai kitani ani , we’ll have to wake up a lot earlier than that.

 

So is it really impossible to do all this? To have only little sleep and wake up so early?

 

————-

 

In Uk we see people commuting from one city to another to go to work, to go to uni and so on. So sometimes they would have to bangun REALLY awal to travel by train or car supaya they can sampai on time. We know that kebanyakkan org who  fall into this group are those who are not Muslims. Tapi, dorang sanggup untuk bangun awal2 pagi semata-mata untuk menraih kejayaan di dunia.

 

If they can wake up early and sacrifice their sleep to go to work or to go to Uni, why can’t we sebagai org Islam wake up awal2 pagi for the sake of Allah? Untuk menyembah Allah ta’ala..our Lord. Our Creator? And kitani ani tah lagi students. Sekali time exam, kadang2 sampai inda bertiduran pasal kan mau revise for the exams. If we sanggup buat cematu supaya pass, kenapa kitani inda sanggup untuk buat semua atu semata2 kerana Allah ta’ala?

 

In Surah Al Baqarah: 286, Allah sudah menjanjikan kepada kitani that he will not membebankan kitani more than we can bear.  So no, it is NOT impossible to bangun awal for Qiamulail. It is NOT impossible to just have 2 hours of sleep and still be able to wake up for solat.

 

—————

 

Hadith riwayat Al Bukhari dan Muslim ada mengatakan: ”Solat yang paling afdhal setelah solat wajib ialah qiamulail (tahajjud)”

 

In (Al-Isra’ 17:79): ” Dan pada sebahagian malam, lakukanlah salat tahajud (sebagai suatu ibadah) tambahan bagimu: mudah-mudahan Tuhanmu menangkatmu ke tempat yang terpuji.”

 

Rasulullah SAW jua pernah bersabda: “Allah akan turun ke langit bumi setiap malam,  ketika sepertiga malam yang terakhir. Dia berkata, ” Mana hambaKu yang berdoa untuk Aku kabulkan (doanya)? Mana hambaKu yang meminta kepadaKu untuk Aku penuhi (permintaannya)? Mana hambaKu yang beristighfar, untuk Aku ampuni (dosanya)?” (HR Al Bukhari dan Muslim)

 

So during this time when kitani mengerjakan Qiamulail, Allah sudah turun to the lowest heavens WAITING for us to meminta daripadaNya. To have our doa granted, and to seek His Mercy. So awal2 pagi ani tah the best of the best times to beribadah kepada Allah.

 

—————

 

 So dalam mengerjakan solat2 sunat di ahir malam ani, we should express rasa syukur kitani terhadapNya keatas ALL the blessings we’ve been given. Our good friends. Our caring family. The opportunity to study abroad. The food we ate a while ago. The chance to come here to Kem Ibadah and meet everybody. To beribadah and gain the benefits from this majlis ilmu. Kalau kan dikira all the nikmat yang Allah telah berikan kepada kitani – we will never ever be able to count all of them. So we should always be thankful to Allah.

 

We should also muhasabah diri, i.e. evaluate ourselves on how we have been as hambaNya and seek forgivness for all our transgressions. Dalam sehari atu ada yang kitani buat atu kitani sadar; and ada kadangkalanya kitani nda sadar. This applies to kesilapan2 kitani as well. Ada kadang2 kitani sadar tani buat silap so we say sorry, and kitani tarus istighfar and minta ampun dari Allah. But how about yang kitani INDA sadar? Inda jua kitani sampat minta maaf arah the person who we may have wronged unintentionally, or even seek forgiveness from Allah.

 

We can also memohon APA saja dari Allah ta’ala. Keimanan, kesabaran, kekuatan, rezeki, kejayaan di dunia dan di akhirat, untuk ditempatkan di Jannah. Anything. Allah answers ALL the prayers of hambaNya, ganya it’s up to Him when it is to be granted and whether it should be replaced with something better.

 

So my dear sisters, 

 

Before we go to sleep tonight, let us all tanamkan dalam hati kitani niat untuk bangun esok pagi for Qiamulail. Untuk beribadah kepada Allah dan berdua2an denganNya when the majority masih lagi nyaman tidur. Kitani bagun di persetiga malam ani and raih all the nikmat dan keberkatan yang Allah sediakan at this hour.  And when we DO wake up for qiamulail esok, be confident that it is because Allah izinkan kitani untuk bangun. Allah izinkan kitani untuk berdua2an bersamaNya. And this is how Allah menunjukkan bertapa sayangnya Ia kepada kitani. Allah MAU kitani to have all the blessings and nikmat from performing qiamulail. Allah MAU mengabulkan doa-doa kitani.  And  Allah MAU give us His Mercy.

 

Ar Rahman, Ar Rahim. Al – Ghaffar,  Al Wahhab.  Allah itu Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang.  Maha Pengampun, Maha Pemberi.

 

————-

 

So when we’re performing our solat sunat, we SHALL stand infront of Allah with syukur for the infinite kebaikan dan kesenangan yang telah dikurniakan kepada kitani.

 

We SHALL stand infront of Allah with sincere repentance for all our wrongdoings – untuk dosa2 kitani yang lalu dan yang akan datang. Untuk dosa2 yang telah kitani lakukan secara sedar dan tidak sedar.

 

 And we SHALL stand infront of Allah with khusyuk, humilty and seek His Strength, Mercy and Help so that we can become sebaik2 hambaNya dan di tempatkan di Jannah. Insya Allah.

 

—————

 

And before I end, I’d like to share a hadith with everybody.

 

Tidaklah hamba-Ku menghampirkan diri kepada-Ku dengan sesuatu yang paling Aku sukai selain daripada perkara yang telah Ku fardhukan kepadanya.

Sentiasalah hamba Ku menghampirkan diri kepada ku dengan melakukan perkara² sunat sehinggalah Aku mengasihinya.

Apabila Aku mengasihinya, maka Akulah pendengarannya yang ia mendengar dengannya.

Akulah penglihatan yang ia melihat dengannya.

Akulah tangannya yang ia menampar dengannya.

Dan Akulah kaki yang ia berjalan dengannya.

Apabila ia meminta kepada-Ku nescaya pasti akan Aku berikan padanya.

Apabila dia meminta perlindungan-Ku nescaya pasti ku lindungi.

(Hadith riwayat Al Bukhari dan Abu Hurairah)

 

To my dearest non Malay Bruneian speaking readers, the gist of the talk was to make everybody realise that it’s not really hard to wake up to do qiyamulail. If those who are not muslims can wake up really early to hop on a train or a car to commute to their workplace or uni, why can’t we as muslims do the same for Allah? Especially to students who often stay up really late or not sleep at all to revise for exams, or finish up assignments. Why can’t we do all that for the sake of Allah?

Then I continued by mentioning about the different hadith and ayat Quran on the importance of Qiyam, and how we should stand in front of Allah when we perform our solat – with gratitude, humility, repentance and need. I ended with the speech with a favourite hadith (qudsi) of mine:

My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works such that I love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his leg with which he walks. Were he to ask of Me, I will surely give him; and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim).

*waves*!! I’m still here!! Yes~ Yes~ I know I haven’t been blogging as frequently. My life outside cyberspace has gotten a lot busier than usual. I haven’t even been home for the past 2 weekends! All for a good cause, insya Allah

Last weekend was our very first kem ibadah musim sejuk/bunga 2009/1430H (Ibadah camp). We’ve been preparing for it since the end of Decemeber and it was over in 3 days. A lot like weddings isn’t it? But wedding preparations usually take a lot longer than that! Anyway, this might sound bias, but I had so much fun! It was such a great experience! The written feedback we received from the sisters were in agreement with these claims The programs, workshops, the jemaah prayers, the Fajr lectures, the AJKs, the Ustaz, the participants – EVERYTHING! It was really hard to say goodbye to everybody. Eventhough we’ve only known most of the girls over the weekend, we have placed them very close at heart. So we are very determined to maintain the new friendships and bonds that we have formed, insya Allah.

May Allah give all those who attended the kem ibadah His hidayah. May our hearts be filled with iman, and love for Allah, the Prophet Muhammad SAW, and Islam. May Allah strenghten our bonds so that we may help one another to do good and to forbid evil.

As I was walking with another sister  to the entrance of the mall in the rain, two ladies with their small children were apporaching our direction. From a distance, we could see the two mommies persistently asking their litter girls, who were already way ahead of them, to put their hoods on. One girl got the message; put on her hood; and continued to run around. The other little girl didn’t get it. She just stood there and looked back at her mommy, holding her own toy baby pram. I thought the girl was adorable. All dressed in pink and with a baby pram – just like her mommy (minus the pink getup). So when I finally caught up with the small girl,  I helped her put on her  hood and then the mommies cheered, “Yeaaaaaay~!”.  

While continuing to make our way towards the entrance the sister said to me, “I would have never done that,” I was already perplexed at this point so I asked, “why not?”. Her answer was, “You know in this country. With all the child abuse, racism…” yada, yada, yada. Is there something wrong with this picture, or is it just me? When I heard those words coming from a fellow sister in Islam, I couldn’t help but protest – silently.  It bothered me – a lot. Isn’t a significant part of Islam all about rahmah? About mercy? Irrespective of race, origion and creed? And aren’t we meant to think good of others (husnuzhon) whether or not they believe that God is one and does not borne any child?

‘Tis a shame how some people still has this ‘us against them’ mentality. How can we all live in peace when we keep seeing those who are not similar to us to be our archenemies? How can we even call people to the Truth when we’re not even willing to show small acts of kindness to them?

Imagine my delight when I saw a news article on the use of behavioural interventions for autism in Brunei. The article was entitled, “Programme to help autistic people lead a normal life”, and it was published in the Brunei Times.  Well, it’s about time!! One my essays was on the empirical validity of early behavioural interventions for the treatment of autism, so yes, behavioural interventions are the next best thing (or maybe the ONLY best thing) for individuals with autism…and any other behavioural problems, come to think of it. ABA can do so much good to Brunei.  It could help in terms of treatment, creating a conducive work enviornment, encouranging a healthy lifestyle amongst the community, and so much more! So if any of you would like to change the world, come to my uni and take an MSc in Behaviour Analysis…or you can go to USA and take a similar course. 

Going back to the article, there are a few things that I’m peeved about – which may seem trivial to some but maybe not for those who actually are in the ABA field.

1. “Autistic people“. A more politically correct term would probably been “people with autism”. But then again, it’s still under debate. Some who are  diagnosed with autism are actually proud to call themselves autistic. 

2. The caption under the pictures says, “An expert: Behavioral Psychologist and Analyst, Dr Douglas Lee, delivering his keynote address at the recent seminar on Behavioural Intervention for Children with Autism and other learning difficulties. Picture: BT/Raul Padernal”…Behavioural psychologist and analyst? Huuuuuuh~?  It’s Applied Behavioural Analyst!! Or maybe Behavioural Analyst. But behavioural psychologist and analyst? Dear oh dear oh dear. That’s just so, so wrong~

Everybody’s talking about the snow – So I’m going to blend in with the others and talk about the snow too.  It was snowing really bad this morning, and even the Uni had to be closed. Yes. A big YEAY there. He he he. So what did I do instead?  Uh huh~ Played in the snow – for over an hour! Really fun stuff. I felt like 10 years old all over again

Awake at 2.14am on a school night is something that is likely to be regretted the next morning; especially when you have classes from 10am-6pm. Oh golly~

So.

This year’s coming of age (Am I making myself sound old?) has a whole different meaning for me. For years, I’ve spent my days living a carefree life, with little to worry about other than my school, home, my friends and my lovelife. Yes, a typical adolescent life (I almost said teenager – wishful thinking!). Surely, that’s just normal right? Maybe. But it wasn’t the best way to live a life.

Too often I pursued in matters that I thought would make me happy, but empty and uneasy inside. There were those frequent bursts of excitement and euphoria, but that was all it was – bursts of feelings that soared up to the ceiling, but dropped back down as rapidly. I needed to feed myself with these things because I wanted that emotional high to last. Then few years down the line, with many many mistakes than can never be undone, I’ve come to realise that I was doing it all wrong. I never really understood my purpose in life, nor was I ever close to attaining real happiness let alone experience true contentment. The foundations that I built my life on were wobbly and seriously dented. 

But this was almost a year ago.

All praise to Allah, He loved me enough to make me realise that there’s more to life than staying up for hours to gossip, or spending money on bags and phones, or being devoted to a boyfriend who was never good for me. The day when Allah showed me His Greatness was the beginning of a whole new life. Not a single day go by that I am thankful for Allah’s mercy and hidayah. I thank God for not letting me go astray and continue with my misguided ways. I understand now that I’ve neglected my soul, my ruh, far too long. My body was satisfied, yet my ruh was deprived. I didn’t allow my soul to connect and be with its Creator as I should have had. I disobeyed Allah and remembered Him so little…so, so little.

But all this is now in the past. I’ve left my old habits and guises, and I’ve vowed to lead a life in a way that is meant to be. Insya Allah. I don’t regret the sacrifices I have had to make to get here. I have never felt more content, calm, happy and this elated – ever. For all the things that I have abandoned, Allah has replaced them all with better and greater substitutes. There is nothing more that I can ask for. Seriously. Ok…MAYBE a pass in the course, a return ticket to Brunei, a husband and babies and world peace…but on a fundamental level – I’m all good, y’all~ *thumbs up*

So this year, my birthday is a day that should be (and hopefully was) spent thanking Allah for all the blessings He has given this imperfect servant…for giving me this extra time on earth to right my wrongs and to serve Him for the betterment of the dunia and akhirat. Insya Allah.