Sometimes I feel as if I want to just lock myself inside the house and never go out. Or maybe cut off all ties with everybody in the past. All this being done with the fear of having my history coming back to haunt me, or the discovery of my old and nasty skeletons in the closet. So many things to fear, so many things to hide. Mun inda bedusa, inda kan betapuk kan?
But these thoughts remain as mere thoughts. Imagine me staying put inside the house for so long. If I don’t drive myself crazy, I’d drive the people in this house crazy. Now, we wouldn’t want it to go either way now do we? Of course not!
All of us make mistakes. I, for one, realise now that a lot of things I did back then were wrong (most were EXTREMELY wrong). Tau sudah salah, tapi buat jua masih. Now, I realise that maximising pleasure and minimising pain was not a wise ideology to go by. I realise that being young doesn’t give you a ticket to be reckless. I realise that the soul and the very core of my being were never satisfied with all the short and cheap thrills.
Alhamdulilah. When Allah could’ve just abandoned me and left me with my misguided ways, He didn’t. He ALLOWED me to feel remorse for my sins. He ALLOWED me to stop wasting my life away. He ALLOWED me to comeback to my nature, my fitrah. I wouldn’t have been here, and be at this point in life if Allah hadn’t allowed this for me. Indeed, Allah is Most Merciful. Allahu Akbar!
So the moral of the story is, there is always time for us to make taubat to Allah. No matter how far or extreme we’ve gone in life, Allah will always be there to give us His Mercy and Forgiveness. As long as we’re still alive, and it’s not Qiamat (yet)…we still have time. Never feel that we’re not worthy enough to make sujud to Him. Don’t feel that we’re not worthy enough to make taubat to Him. Although there maybe that feeling of, “but what if I won’t stop *insert funky activity*”, don’t let that stop us from coming back to Our Creator. We may never actually live long enough to actually step into the club, or have that one drink…or things may come our way that would prevent us from committing that one maksiat (or ALL maksiat!). Kalau kitani ikhlas and banar-banar bertaubat, minta pertolonganNya dan petunjukNya, insya Allah He will guide us and keep us on the Right Path.
Insya Allah, we’ll be stepping into a new Hijrah year. In conjunction to this new year, let us all seek forgiveness from Allah for all our sins. Sama-sama tah kitani rasa menyesal dan bertaubat keatas semua ulah-ulah and perbuatan-perbuatan kitani yang terang-terang berdosa. Let us all have a fresh start. Gone with the old, and in with the new. I would also like to seek forgiveness to all my family and friends. Please forgive me if I have wronged you in any way intentionally or unintentionally. I’m sorry. This imperfect human being will always remain imperfect. And all my wrongdoings come from my very own weaknesses.
May this new year be filled with barakah and hidayah Allah. May we become the mu’min who have constant iman and taqwa in their hearts. Amiin.